Part 20 - December 2013

During the first week of December my illness progressed from a simple cold to a more debilitating weird virus.  I felt wobbly and dizzy when I got out of bed like the floor was actually moving and I would feel so exhausted.  My physical symptoms consisted mainly of aches and pains in my back and shoulders, and it was very hard to keep my head up.  Although mainly bedridden, I did manage to write my blog and worked on my latest collage a bit.

On the Wednesday I had to drag myself out of bed ridiculously early to take the car to the garage for the windows to be fixed.  The next day, there were gales and storms all over the place and we lost the television signal downstairs and the phone signal completely during the course of the day. The garage called in the afternoon for me to collect the car just as a hailstorm was in full flow (tiny globs of ice sat in puddles and there were rivulets flowing down the road).

The tiny world of moss

We were still receiving a telly signal upstairs thanks to the height and Emley Moor. But that evening, our televisual entertainment was interrupted by the ‘breaking news’ that Nelson Mandela had died.  Although he was 95 and very ill for ages so not really a shock, it was strangely emotional and even my partner got a bit choked and I caught him unconsciously singing the old ANC song from the 1980’s!  We watched ‘the Nelson show’ as BBC1 had become for a couple of hours but it got a bit tedious. 

The next morning, the news was of course still mainly about Mandela and the storms which had caused massive tides along the coast with the usual wailing and gnashing of teeth (my partner joked during the weather news that some old giffer would soon point out that it was nowhere near as bad as 1953, and sure enough, right on cue the local weather presenter said it was the worst one in Whitby since 1953!  I swear one day my partner will be that grumpy old man saying ‘call this a storm; I remember 2013...’)

On the Saturday I was feeling better but post-viral and the weather was crap so we stayed in.  We did haircuts and some art and I finished my ‘critique’ of Christmas TV ads.  On Sunday afternoon we did manage to get out for a short walk and took photos.  I took some of the tiny worlds of moss that were growing on a wall which came out brilliantly.

I bumped into a woman from where I used to work on the way back home.  We had a bit of a chat about what had happened to me and what a bitch my boss was and she wasn’t surprised at all. She had also suffered bullying but in a different way to me and had left to pursue a career as a clinical psychologist.  She had also seen someone else who still worked at the same place who said there was bad shit going on and they were in debt which I gloated about.  Interestingly, afterwards my partner asked me about her so I told him briefly what had happened and he said ‘Oh. Did her face not fit?  ’Touché!   

That night I was so tired but it took me ages to get to sleep.  The next day I went to see my art neighbour and we had a chat about the latest news on their house.  Someone else had now bought it as a buy to let so they could stay.  In the evening I rang Mum and she sounded fine despite losing three teeth eating a prune. She was going to the dentist the next day for an assessment.  I arranged to visit her the following week.  My sister had been there at the weekend and one of my brothers was due to see her the following Monday so I was not worried about her in the meantime. 

Again, when I settled down to sleep that night I couldn’t switch my brain off so I had a bit of a think through stuff and did some relaxation and eventually managed to drop off.  On Tuesday morning my partner recited the latest missive from his big boss explaining why they weren’t getting a measly pay rise, although those on the minimum wage were going to get the living wage.  I thought this was an uncharacteristically good move, until my partner pointed out that this meant learning mentors (i.e., staff with student contact were getting about six quid an hour. scandalous!)  It did say they were getting Christmas Eve off, for which they were meant to be thankful.

On Wednesday morning my partner had a crisis at work so had to leave early.  I had yet another bad night but got up as normal even though I felt crap. I went out in the car and did a load of shopping to make up for hardly doing any the week before and also bought a Christmas tree.  At art class that evening I worked on my collage and admired my pal’s printing of a murmuration.  I asked her out for a drink as my art neighbour had suggested and we arranged to meet the following week.

My partner had a horrid day as it turned out that his stupid boss and idiot pet boy had wrecked the whole IT system by installing some shit, so he was in a foul mood when I got back.  I tried to say constructive things about it being their incompetence not his.    In the morning, he had tummy ache which he knew was stress related so I attempted to cheer him up and he managed to have a laugh about the idea of going into work dressed like a scary skinhead.  He assured me that he was keeping records of everything that happened so he didn’t get blamed for other’s stupidity. 

On a positive note, I had a slightly better sleep and my mood was also lifted by a fantastic sunrise with a gorgeous orange sky and we took some pictures through the window.  I spent the day decorating the Christmas tree and listening to music.  My partner got home quite late that night and was still livid.  Although the IT problem was partly fixed it still needed more work. 

At the weekend, he was obviously troubled so I got him to tell me all about it.  He was so angry about what had happened at work during the week that he was out for revenge.  I tried to make helpful suggestions, including going to the doctor and getting diagnosed for stress but of course he wasn’t keen on this idea. On Saturday evening we got the bus in weather most foul for a Carthy/Waterson gig. I bumped into a woman from adult learning who I knew through work.  She knew nothing about what had happened to me so I gave her a very brief version and she said ‘you know where I am’ which was nice of her although working for her would involve being in the same field and working with some of the same people that I was now wanting to steer clear of. 

The gig was good even though the Carthy/Waterson clan were minus Norma Waterson who was not well.   It was different to what I expected; no seasonal songs and lots of American stuff which was a bit odd but the music was enjoyable and Eliza Carthy’s voice sounded better than ever if anything.

On Sunday my partner worked at home on the IT system so there would be less to do later in the week.  I went out to do some errands and who should I see again but the same woman I saw the previous evening!  I reflected on how odd it was after not working for almost a year and a half that I had now seen the same person twice in two days, and that twice in less than a week I had bumped into people I knew through work.  I was glad they were both nice people though and not ones I was studiously trying to avoid.

Monday was mainly spent baking and I had a reasonable night’s sleep for once.  This was good as I had to get up reasonably early to visit my Mum, laden with a rucksack full of food and books.   While I was there, we went through some of her old jewellery and I chose some to bring home and she also gave me some wooden Christmas tree ornaments from the Holy Land and an antique set of candle tree lights (a family heirloom!)   She showed me some old photos from Germany and said she didn’t know what to do with them and was thinking of throwing them out, so I said I would help her put them in an album at some point.  I offered to help her write Christmas cards but she couldn’t be bothered (like most things these days).  I felt very tired on the way home and almost fell asleep on the train.

When my partner got home that evening he told me that he had finally confronted his boss about the shit he had been subjected to recently including the fact that it had taken him four days to fix the system problem caused by the idiot boy.  He said he was very unprofessional and swore a lot and wondered if he’d get sacked, but he was also kind of pleased that he had said all those things most people only dream of saying to their boss, but of course he was drained (as was I just hearing the tale). 

I had a terrible night with hardly any sleep at all and when I opened the mail the next day the stupid dole office said they hadn’t got my last sick note so I had to send them a copy (I reflected that it was a good job I kept copies of this stuff).

Awesome traditional decorations

That evening I braved the elements yet again to go to the traditional pub to meet my new art pal and art neighbour for a drink as arranged.  We of course admired the awesome Christmas decorations and chatted about all sorts including art, horrid work situations (my pal now being on anti-depressants) and local myths.  We decided to go onto a different pub and I asked my partner if he wanted to join us there.  He related the latest episode in his current travails.  

  

Apparently, his boss had reported the ‘idiot boy’ to Human Resources for not doing any work which was a bit of a turn up.  

I managed to get a decent sleep probably thanks to the beer and at the end of the week I spent some time trying to co-ordinate various friends as I had heard from an old friend who was planning to visit us at the end of the year.  my partner was being very ‘bah humbug’, especially at any mention of the start of the festive season with many people finishing school and work for the holidays (no such luck for him) so I tried to cheer him up by showing him a video of a toy Santa going up to space attached to a weather balloon (which was very cute and a bit awesome).

We spent the weekend indoors, doing some Christmassy stuff and cooking and baking.  We also looked at various planning scandals on the internet and discovered that the One Stop Shop (previously Spar aka Economic Market) was a subsidiary of Tesco and the Guardianistas had only just got wind of it and were up in arms, which amused us.

 We also looked at the plans to block the road near a shut pub – which took some doing as they were hidden in the highways section of the council’s website rather than the planning section - and agreed it was most likely a precursor to the building which had now been re-named in a pretentious fashion, being turned into flats.

Sunday night, I couldn’t settle down to sleep and it looked very bright outside so I had a peep and it was absolutely gorgeous!  There was a big bright moon (though not a full moon) and tons of stars.  I was surprised how clear it was after the awful rainy day we’d had.  I finally got some sleep but my mind was churning with loads of rubbish and in the morning I felt very unrested. 

Monday was very wet and windy again and I dragged myself out to go to the doctors.  I told her about the reply from IAPT concerning CBT which had come some time ago.  She said there wasn’t anything else on offer (apart from medication which I still didn’t want) and I said I might try the women’s centre but she thought they might not cater for me.  She insisted on putting depression on my sick note and I didn’t argue as by this time I had accepted that she was probably right, although I hated the label and had been fighting it for a long time.

Christmas Eve was the first day of my partner’s holidays and we had a nice day together.  In the afternoon we took some mince pies I had made round to some friends.  We listened to some strange Christmas music and their small son kept putting on the same track which was irritating but we were entertained by tales of his grandparent’s terrible food (such as cooking one partridge for four people one Christmas).  The weather was awful again so we didn’t fancy any of the social options that evening; either standing in the square singing carols or going for drink so we stayed in where it was nice and cosy. We watched Christmassy films and got so engrossed that we almost missed the start of Christmas, but made up for it later with a glass of sambuca. 

On Christmas Day we had a lovely time opening our presents to and from each other, and eating and drinking fizzy pink wine which made us quite giddy and we had a good laugh at crap television before watching films.

Mushrooms and raindrops

On Boxing Day we decided to get out of the house for a bit. Although the weather was not great at least it was not raining and was predicted (correctly as it happened) to be the best day of the week.  We called at a friend’s as I hadn’t been able to contact her by phone and left her a note together with a card and a calendar.  From there, we walked up to the woods and I took some photos with my new camera.  After an hour, I was already getting tired and the light was failing so we returned home.  I felt so worn out later that I didn't drink any alcohol and went to bed at 11 o’clock, which must be unprecedented for a Boxing Day. 

The next day we took it easy to conserve energy for the weekend.  The weather had taken another turn for the worse too and was really bad in some places.  Blackpool had to shut!

On the Saturday our visitor arrived and after eating, we went out for a few pints.  We started off at the traditional pub to look at the decorations, then onto the wine bar and finished off in the pub round the corner.  Back home, we had coffee and sambuca and stayed up quite late so we felt a bit hungover the next day.

More moss

Fortunately however, the weather was decent so we had a walk along the river and got back into town just before dusk.  We had arranged to meet a mutual friend for pub grub and we had a very enjoyable dinner. Afterwards we went to our local for old time’s sake for a couple more pints.  We were all pretty tired and didn’t stay out too late.  My partner said that he had hit his pub quota for the year so I replied that it was a good job the year was nearly over then!  Despite being really sleepy, I had a rough night.  It took me ages to get to sleep despite trying all my relaxation techniques and when I did get to sleep, it was very intermittent (so the beer didn’t work that time then).

On the Monday, our visitor was going to see some family so we took advantage of the recovery time.  Nice as it was to have people over, I was still finding all the sociability utterly exhausting.  Thankfully, that night I had a decent sleep for a change and the next day we took the car for a run.  It was working fine but the clock had re-set, suggesting that the battery had gone off at some point which was a bit strange.  We went shopping for craft items and new demister cloths for the car seeing as the blower  was not going on at all any more so it was damp on the inside all the time. 

Back home, I started to cook a New Year’s Eve meal for some friends.  Our staying visitor arrived back just at the crucial time when I was putting the ingredients together for an Iranian-style lamb casserole.  This interrupted my concentration and when I get distracted I can start to feel stressed and harassed. I calmed down a bit when it was safely in the oven and the rest of the evening was really nice.  Two other friends arrived during the course of the evening and dinner was a triumph if I say so myself.  One of our friends was ‘on call’ and had to go soon after eating which was a shame but at least she had some time to catch up with people before she got the call. 

The rest of us felt like we needed a walk and some fresh air after all the food.  We went along the river to a pub just out of town.  It was very quiet for NYE – like an old people’s home in fact, and after one drink we proceeded into the town centre.  We had a fake debate about where to go even though we knew we would end up at our old local again.  We had a pint, then got a round of whiskies to toast New Year and watched London fireworks on telly.  After one more pint we left about 1 a.m. So, an unremarkable but pleasant end to 2013. 

Over the next few days I concentrated on trying to put the horrid events of the last year and a half behind me and to look to the future with a positive outlook...