Friday, 16 May 2014

Part 15 - July 2013



A view of the bridge on a sunny July day, taken with mini cam
And so the waiting continued for much of July which of course did not help my mental situation at all.  At the start of the month, my sleep pattern had reverted to type and I felt so depressed and stressed out by it all a lot of the time. My partner was also feeling quite stressed  with work and was not enjoying having to commute on sticky trains in the horrid damp muggy weather, to spend another day in the ‘geek cupboard’, so it was quite hard going for both of us at times.
Part way into the first week of July, I received a reply from my employer to the e-mail I’d sent at the end of June. It stated that the board wouldn’t agree to a Compromise Agreement and they were still insistent on meeting to discuss ‘adjustments’ to enable me to return to work.  I was in total despair and I started to draft a resignation letter. I had just had enough and couldn’t face another pointless meeting. But then I got a further message from my boss saying that I could respond in writing or get the Union Rep to meet them instead of having to go myself so I sent the Rep some notes based on my letter to see what he thought.
The Union Rep didn’t reply to my first e-mail so I e-mailed him again later in the week and when he finally rang back, he was on about going to the meeting ‘with an open mind’.  I said that was a complete waste of time unless they had something to offer me and told him I wanted him to ring them and find out if this was likely, and he retorted ‘why don’t you I do it?’ I couldn’t believe it!  What did I pay that bloody union for?  I told him it was his job to support me, screamed at him and told him to eff off before slamming the phone down. 
Of course on reflection I realised this was not a good move.  He might have been crap but he was all I had. I was just so mad though.  I made an effort to calm down somewhat and considered what to do next and then I e-mailed him to say I was going to write a written response without his help.  In the meantime, he had obviously had a bit of a think and called my employer because he e-mailed me to say my boss was out of the office until the following Monday. On reflection I decided to modify the resignation letter I had drafted which outlined all the reasons why I could never return to work, and worded it in such a way that it was asking them what they were proposing to do to end the situation. I figured it was better to put the ball in their court seeing as they were refusing to offer me a Compromise Agreement; even if they ended up sacking me on grounds of ill-health I thought this was better than resigning.  I also decided that I was definitely sacking that stupid Union off when the situation was finally over– they were useless!!!
I saw the doctor and told her my tale and got her to prescribe Zopyclone (as recommended by a friend) as well as the usual sick note.  We agreed to meet again at the end of the month as we expected to have a resolution to my plight by then. The Zopyclone did help my sleep improve a bit which was a relief because otherwise, I reckon I would have gone completely batty.
Flowers with bee in the garden
On the Friday morning we had an unexpected diversion. I was upstairs when my partner shouted out in such panic that I thought someone had died!  I went down to investigate to find a river running down the street which turned out to be caused by a burst pipe in the street above.  I had noticed a trickle earlier in the week but had thought it was probably a spring.  Some neighbours had already reported the leak and whilst waiting for the water company to come and fix it, I have to say I quite enjoyed sitting outside in the sun listening to the babbling brook – very therapeutic. 


I also made use of the ‘stream’ to water the garden and tried to unblock a runnel down the side of the steps near our house. This turned out to be much worse than I expected and after an hour of grafting, the hole was still blocked and I was very hot and tired so had to stop.  At the weekend I borrowed a  hose off a neighbour and my partner helped me to clear it some more and we eventually succeeded in getting it working properly again. There was so much mud and crap to get rid of; obviously still from the floods of the previous summer (exactly a year before in fact). 
Some neighbours reckoned the water leak had been apparent for three weeks and people living on the other side of our street had water coming in through their back walls, which made me feel a bit bad about enjoying the impromptu water feature.
On Saturday afternoon we went to meet my art friend in town. She gave us gifts from her recent trip and we had a look round Open Studios.  After that my friend decided she wanted to go somewhere nice to eat and as town was heaving, she drove us to a country pub.  We sat outside and she showed us photos of her trip before returning to town and having a drink in a beer garden.  After, we went to our local and chatted to friends and enjoyed the early evening sunshine.
When I went to bed that night, I was unwinding nicely until I was rudely disturbed by an alarm going off and loads of shouting from down the road.  My partner was asleep but woke up quite sharpish. It turned out that the commotion was emanating from a flat on the main road. Some chav had set fire to a mattress which was situated outside a bedroom which was occupied by two people – what an idiot! That was the trouble with these proper hot summer days; people had too many special drinks and got very silly indeed!  The fire brigade arrived and everyone got out safe thank goodness.  Needless to say, I did not sleep much after that.  It didn’t help that it had started to get light and I only managed a fitful few hours.
Dappled tree at Blake Dean
So of course on Sunday, we both felt quite groggy and ill-rested. However, we wanted to make the most of the lovely weather so we made an effort and went to catch the country bus. This time we walked back down along the valley bottom.  However, it became rather dodgy and we had to wade across the river at one point in order to proceed. We stopped for refreshments in the woods and realised we had no idea how far we had walked, but luckily we couldn’t get lost as all we had to do was follow the river. 

We managed to just catch the NT cafe for a coffee before it closed and had a laugh at the guy on ‘cup patrol’ – worse than being harassed out of a pub at last orders! we carried on following the river paths all the way into town.  We reflected again on the profusion of plant life this summer. Due to the late, cold winter followed by the spring rain followed by lots of early summer sunshine, there were more and bigger flowers and trees everywhere than I could ever remember seeing ever before – truly stunning!
During the following week, I had a particularly bad night when I couldn’t sleep at all and sat up trying to think things through. The limbo I found myself in was really doing my head in – mainly because it had now gone on for almost a year and I had thought it was coming to an end in May at long last, yet two months later nothing had changed. I knew that I needed to accept this as a current condition and attempt to live in the moment as much as possible. I found it impossible to consider the future and I told myself there was no point going over the past.
As it turned out, I received a registered letter the next day about a ‘hearing’ proposed for the following week.  I e-mailed the Union Rep and he sent a message back later saying he couldn’t make that date but would send my boss some alternatives, so I e-mailed him again to make sure he ran the dates by me – which he didn’t do the previous time. It was sounding more like the prospect of being sacked on the grounds of ill health was a distinct possibility.
Whilst I had already accepted this as a better alternative to me resigning, I still felt aggrieved that they were not prepared to offer me a settlement. I had to wait for the date to be set before I could put it out of mind and sitting around waiting to hear was always the worst thing. To make matters worse, the Union Rep wasn’t available the following week pushing the meeting to almost the end of July. And so it dragged on again...
I did my best to forget about the horrid stuff and we had quite a varied weekend.  We went to see our mates’ band on the Friday night which was nice, and on the Saturday we had a pleasant day lounging in the sun and strolling round town. On the Sunday we went to Calderdale industrial museum open day which was loads more interesting than I expected with massive great machines, some of which were in working order.  Apparently the museum had been closed for 15 years and they were trying to set up a trust so it could re-open again.  After that we went to our favourite restaurant and sat out on the patio and had one of their ace value Sunday lunches complete with free wine before catching the train back and visiting our local for a couple of pints before going home.
Monday was St. Swithin's day and it was cheery to note that it stayed sunny thus signalling no rain for the next 40 days (or so the legend goes).
I received a payslip confirming that I had only got one week’s pay which didn’t surprise me as I knew my sick pay was about to run out. I rang the jobcentre about Employment Support Allowance which took almost an hour.  I also found out that my employer should have sent me a form saying that my Statutory Sick Pay had run out so I had to chase them to ask for one – why can no-one do their job properly?
On the Wednesday we were going to a gig in Manchester and I made a day of it to visit my Mum.  I took enough food with me for lunch plus extra to save her cooking for a day or two as well as a cake I had made. Mum seemed relatively okay and in good spirits.  After lunch, as it was absolutely stifling indoors I spent ages persuading Mum to sit out in the shade in the back garden. I eventually succeeded but of course there were a million reasons why she didn’t like it as with everything nowadays, so we came back in.  I did offer to help with stuff like washing but she declined which I was a bit surprised about.  I did come clean about my illness though, as it had dragged on so long I thought it was time to stop lying and I felt I had to explain why I hadn’t been able to visit her for almost a year.  She just said ‘there’s a lot of it about’ which was a relief’. 
I left at teatime and went to meet my partner in Manchester and we went to see our friend who had got the tickets for us as it was cheaper for Manchester residents.  She had heatstroke from working outside all day so we left after a cuppa and went back into town for something to eat before the gig. 
The gorgeous ceiling of the Albert Hall
At the Albert Hall, we got a very overpriced drink at the bar - I actually had water as I was really overheated and the building was old and un-ventilated and I knew that if I drank alcohol I would get ill. We then went upstairs to survey the glory of the old building (a Wesleyan Chapel built in 1910) and to await the Goldfrapp.  They came on about 9.20 and played their new album as planned, then after a very short interlude, they came back and did a few of their old songs, but the posh ones!  The end bit of ‘July’ was stunning! 

It’s quite funny how we seem to now go to see pop acts from the later 20th century with orchestras – does that mean it’s classical music now? 
Of course the place was full of nobs; there were so many people posting photos to Tumblr and comparing and ‘liking’ other’s photos that I really wondered how many genuine Goldfrapp fans there were as opposed to wankers who just wanted to say they were there.  At the end of the gig it took a full 10 minutes to get out of the building as people were still twittering and clogging up the stairs.  We went for the last train and got it with 5 minutes to spare.
When I got home I had to soak my feet as they were so achy before I went to bed.  Then I really couldn’t sleep at all.  I just couldn’t get my brain to calm down after all the activity of the day (13 hours out of the house in one stretch – I was shattered!).   I tried various relaxation techniques and eventually slept a bit but kept waking and got up at seven the next morning.
By the weekend, I was still feeling very tired due to lack of sleep.  We had a stupid argument on Friday night about nothing; I think we were both just so stressed and worn out. However, on the Saturday we talked things through a bit about what we were both going through and came up with a bit more of a plan for my next encounter with my employer (not that it helped as you will soon find out).  We cheered ourselves up by booking a holiday to Zakynthos for the end of August and decided to just chill out the rest of the weekend.
By the Monday I still felt quite groggy even though I had slept better.  I pottered about checking what we needed to buy in the way of holiday supplies and looked at clothes sales on line for a few essentials. That night was incredibly humid and early on Tuesday morning, I could hear thunder rumbling in the distance and getting nearer.  A few minutes later there was the most enormous thunder clap and amazingly bright lightning. Later in the day enormous rain drops were falling from the ominous clouds above.
I was suffering from art withdrawal as there was no class over the summer break so I decided to have a go at doing a still life. I arranged some small pots and grasses and did some painting and charcoal drawings with mixed results. I appeared to have lost the knack again of doing that light/dark shade thing.  On the plus side, it did take my mind off the fact that I had to go to the stupid ‘hearing’ that week.
The ‘hearing’ was in fact really awful, despite my attempts to prepare for it. My boss lied about their incompetence in following their own policies and amongst other things, claimed that the stupid ‘action plan’ she’d come up with in my absence and which I did not agree to in any way, contained ‘reasonable adjustments’.  Oh!  And apparently I said I didn’t want to go to ACAS!  Lying bitch!  The upshot of the meeting was that they would make a decision about my ‘future employment’ which was a joke because apparently there were 3 options –:
1. Compromise Agreement – even though the board had already said no to this
2. Reasonable Adjustment – to which I had said an uncategorical no
3. Dismissal on grounds of ill health - which was what I wanted by this stage anyway seeing as they wouldn’t pay me off to sod off and shut up.  I just couldn’t understand why the matter couldn’t be settled there and then.
After, the Union Rep said he’d ring them and try and get me 12 weeks’ notice pay – well, I thought, good luck with that one mate.  He also said that they had treated me like ‘shit’.  Very helpful saying that now (not!) I was so angry and frustrated. It was as if all the crap from the previous few months had never happened!  I really wanted vengeance, but a few days later, I came up with the idea of this blog instead.
Of course when I got home I was exhausted.  I tried to calm down and relax .  We had a long weekend coming up as my partner had taken the Friday off work. We set off for a walk and ended up on Cock Hill. We could see Halifax at one end and Upper valley at the other – panorama tastic!  We had a picnic and tried to avoid too many insect bites then walked back into town for a few pints.
On Saturday we had a day at home then on Sunday we went to the flicks with a friend to see World War Z – entertaining but required enormous suspension of disbelief (even for a zombie film) and rife with continuity errors.  After, we went for a few drinks and chatted shit about politics art etc and had a good laugh.
The end of July brought some awesomely heavy rain followed by floods further up the valley.  Of course this prompted much panic and whingeing on social media. (I knew that pub cellar should have been filled in when they had the chance last year) I was glad I didn’t have to go out. It took ages for my partner to get home as the lightning kept affecting signals, so it was a good job he’d left work early.
When I went to see the doctor as arranged and told her my tale I got a bit annoyed that she thought I would miraculously get better straight away when the stuff was resolved. As it happened, I had received an e-mail just that morning saying that a letter was on its way to me but it didn’t arrive until after I returned home so I wasn’t able to discuss its contents with her.  Anyway, we agreed on another appointment in two weeks to review the situation and I tried not to dwell on it. When I got home I was absolutely shattered and felt like I’d been sleep walking the whole time I was out.
When I opened the expected letter it said that my employment would be terminated on grounds of ill health. They were giving me ten weeks’ pay in lieu of notice plus holiday pay so it was actually a similar amount to what I would have received if I had been made redundant, except it was taxed so I lost a third of it due to their bloody-mindedness.  Still, it was finally over at last.
A part of me thought that I might feel instantly better when I came to the end of the saga but it wasn’t quite like that.  I suppose that after a year of the crap it was too much to expect I would just suddenly go back to my old self...

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