Part 2 - July 2013

After being ill for a week, I went back to work on Monday 23^rd July which was the day of our staff team away day that I had arranged several weeks before so I was away from the office. On the Tuesday, my boss came to see me shortly before 10.00 a.m. We conducted a ‘return to work’ in line with company policy, and re-booked a monthly Support & Supervision session which was due whilst I was off sick.  She asked me if the virus that had afflicted me had been caused by stress and added that the emails I had sent to the College seemed a bit ‘stressed’.  I was trying very hard to visualise what a ‘stressed e-mail’ looked like but couldn’t for the life of me think what she was on about. I thought for a few seconds about how to respond.  We have had conversations in the past about stress and overwork and her attitude had always been that I did not have too much to do and that my job was manageable and I wondered if this was perhaps an opportunity to have a proper conversation about workload and have my views taken more seriously.  When I did reply I said that it was possible that stress was a factor and mentioned the effect the floods had also had on me.  My boss said she had friends in the town where I live so knew about the floods but she was very dismissive of this as a factor that might have been affecting me and could have made me more susceptible to illness at the time.  She said we would talk about it more in Support & Supervision and ended our conversation very abruptly as she said had to go to a meeting.

I gave some more thought to the matter before my Support & Supervision session, setting aside some time to plan what I was going to say. I also spoke to Better Health at Work and booked on 2 free stress management courses. Ironically, Better Health At Work had recently given two presentations on stress at work – one to the Management Team and one to a full staff meeting, both of which I had attended - and I had planned to contact them but had not had chance to do so up until this point.

The rest of the week passed off without incident but I experienced more trauma at the weekend. On Friday my partner and I had arranged to meet some friends for an early evening walk allegedly to look for orchids.  This turned into a quite horrendous incident where we were led through a quite altered post-flood landscape, across streams, into dense thickets, through mud and onto marshland.  I got absolutely soaked and covered in mud going through a bog and I was actually quite terrified when my foot sank into the ground way past my ankle.  I totally lost it and shouted at our self-appointed ‘guide’ who seemed incapable of staying to sensible paths and had a knack of always finding the worst possible route to walk. We had intended to go to the pub afterwards but I was filthy and exhausted so we ended up going straight home.

Over the remainder of the weekend I had a couple of flashbacks pertaining to the recent ordeals I had experienced but I made an effort to stay cheerful and enjoy our leisure time. However, I also received a text from my sister who had just visited our Mum and seemed to be quite worried about her. I tried to ring my sister to get further details but there was no answer so I messaged her back.  I was planning to go to Mum’s the following Friday anyway so I said I would give my sister an update after I had seen her. I had a bit of a chat with my partner about all the recent traumas and links between them and stress and illness.   

I really felt that there was an awful lot to cope with at that time but was confident I could deal with it and would get through it. On the Sunday we went up to our friend’s house who we’d been planning to visit since her house got flooded and helped her put all her kitchen stuff in boxes and then we went to her local pub for a roast dinner.

I managed to speak to my sister on the Monday morning and got an update on Mum.  Mum had been ill and was apparently still very weak, and my two brothers who live nearby and usually do some jobs and shopping for her had both gone on their holidays at the same time.  As they do not speak to each other, it was too much to expect that they would co-ordinate and not be away at the same tome.  Added to this, my Mum’s cleaner was also away visiting her family in Albania as she does every summer.  

This had rendered Mum’s immediate support network very depleted, and she neglected to mention to the rest of us that this would be the case, or indeed that she had been so ill. My sister was not sure if my Mum’s fragile state was just the recent illness or if it was the beginning of a downward spiral in general, but seemed to agree with me that a social care assessment might be a good idea and that we needed to try co-ordinate more in future to make sure this situation didn’t recur.

Back at work, I went into the Support & Supervision session with my boss on Wednesday 1^st August. I could tell straight away that there was a bit of an atmosphere, but I couldn’t put my finger on it. The sessions always take place in my boss’ office which is very much her territory and the chairs are arranged so that you are facing each other from opposite sides of the room with a small coffee table in-between.  The seating is deliberately structured in such a way that it superficially gives the impression of informality but of course this is an illusion as she is always totally in control of what goes on. My boss suggested we cover my agenda items first (which she always does) and then hers, giving me no clue as to what she had on her agenda (which she never does, leaving you at a disadvantage as you never have any idea at all what she is going to spring on you at the end).

During the session, my boss was very confrontational about practically everything I had on my list to discuss with her, and sounded like she had made her mind up about what was going on for me before hearing my side of the story.  E.g., staff issues – asking me why I was bringing up concerns I had about staff health (I thought that was one of the things Support & Supervision was for); giving staff extra work to do – I tried to explain repeatedly that this was not the case. It was an extremely uncomfortable meeting for me and I really could not fathom out why my boss was being so antagonistic and not offering me any support at all on any of the matters I had raised, which I thought was the whole point of Support & Supervision.  I am used to her passive-aggressive post-menopausal domineering manner but this encounter took it to a whole new level!

I told my boss I had booked onto the stress management courses and I also mentioned that my Mum had been unwell recently which has also caused me some anxiety. My boss chuckled and said ‘elderly parents are a worry aren’t they?’  I thought this was a very flippant response and made me wonder even more what on earth was going on – usually my boss is very sympathetic to this kind of situation. Her father had passed away not long ago and she frequently took time out to spend time with her mother so I was very taken aback by the coldness of her remark and that she actually laughed!

It was right at the end of the session that my boss then mentioned that we needed to talk about other issues that had come out of ‘the Investors in People review’ which had taken place a few weeks before, but that we needed to meet separately about them.  She asked me if I had ‘lost interest’ in work which I thought was a very strange question. I have always been very conscientious and hard working and didn’t see how anything I had done or any way I had acted would make her think that my attitude to work had changed.  She picked up her diary as if to book a date in, but then she put it down again straight away and said ‘it won’t be next week as I am on leave’. I asked for a bit of a clue as to what the issues were, seeing as it appeared that it would be a while before we got to talk about them and I did not want to leave the meeting not knowing what the follow-up meeting was going to be about My boss then launched into a list of concerns under the auspices of what had allegedly arisen from the Investors in People review.

I was completely stunned by this.  So many issues were raised that my head was spinning afterwards. I could only remember a few of them, and I could not see how on earth some of them could have arisen in Investors in People interviews. The list included such pathetically petty things as ‘using my phone in meetings’, ‘having my door shut’ and more seemingly serious accusations such as producing crap work – it was truly awesomely gobsmacking!

My boss then finished this tirade by saying ‘none of this is personal’.  I was so dumbstruck by this statement that I made no response.  The meeting came to an end when we had set another date for Support & Supervision for the following month. As it was lunchtime I went out for a walk to try and clear my head and felt myself getting very upset. I was in absolute turmoil, trying to work out what on earth was going on, why she was being so evil and who else was involved in this apparent witch hunt. I thought of going off sick but decided I did not want to run away from the situation so went to Boots to buy some Quiet Life, then I made a huge effort to pull myself together and went back to work.
At 2.00 p.m. I attended a meeting with my boss, a colleague and 2 Officers from the College about the funding tender.  I managed to maintain a professional approach throughout but was livid inside that she expected me to carry on as if that morning’s meeting had not happened.

I could barely think of anything else for the rest of the day or night and didn’t sleep at all. I realised there was no way I could be expected to internalise all these so-called ‘concerns’ she had raised so the next day I sent an e-mail to my boss requesting the issues raised were put in writing so that I could respond fully. I knew that she would be in Leeds all day and as I don’t work Friday’s and thought my boss was on leave the following week, I wanted the list so I could start to deal with it, before she went on holiday.  I realised that this bullying (as I finally grasped that’s what it was) had been going on for quite a while but had now reached a whole new level and I was determined that I was not going to put up with it anymore.

On Friday I tried again to put work behind me for the weekend even though it was extremely difficult and took an enormous effort of will. I went to my Mum’s to see how she was. I took her some food and did various chores for her and tried to talk to her about getting in touch with social care and to ask us for help more and not rely on my brothers so much, but I was not convinced that I had succeeded in getting through to her.  I had said I would stay over if necessary but she seemed ok so I came home after tea.

The next day, we stayed at home and watched tons of athletics (well, it was Super Saturday) I had never watched so much sport in one day!  I even cried when Jessica Ennis won the heptathlon – but I think this was more due to the stress bringing my emotions to the fore more than anything else.

On the Saturday night I managed to sleep for a full 8 hours for the first time in absolutely ages and after a late Sunday brekkie we went into town.  It was quite hot and sunny and had a pleasant afternoon doing a bit of shopping and going to see the Classic Car rally then going for a drink. A friend from our local gave us an update – another pub landlord had apparently put an offer in to buy it but unfortunately, dosh up front was required as it was unmortgageable.
Not for the first time during this difficult period, the weekend  proved to be a short sunny interlude before things went from bad to worse to intolerable at work the following week…

 

Even the elusive black and white cat (Jess) couldn’t cheer me up that weekend...