Part 34 - February 2015

Snowy view of the pike

Despite renewed positivity at the start of February, my attempts to rise early in the mornings largely failed.   Sometimes I could barely move my arms and legs. Occasionally I did manage to get out of bed and do my stretching exercises, but it felt like hard work.    I reflected that I had only just recovered from my last bout of sinusitis and needed to be careful not to do too much.  

 

Snowy gate

The bright weather made me determined to get out more.  On the Sunday, we took a bus up the hill and walked back down.  A mate was on the bus whom I suspected of posting maltesers through our letterbox just before Christmas.  She said it was not her (the mystery thus remained unsolved). 

Downhill through woods

Lots of snow still lay up on the tops- it was gorgeous.  I took loads of photos and wrote a post later in the week for ‘Cool Places’ (i). 

My partner said we had done an easy downhill walk but I found it hard going on some of the frozen snowy bits. Still convalescing and feeling fatigued, it was enough for me.

On the way home, we had a pint in the local co-operative pub.  There were free sausage snacks at the bar (donations welcome) and lots of people and dogs milling about.  We retired to a side room and remarked on the improvements since our last visit; much cleaner and less damp.  A family with a small child and sheepdog sat across from us.  When another group of people accompanied by a large dog arrived, the sheepdog became barky and agitated.  The woman told the dog off saying “we will have to go home now.  It’s so embarrassing”.  Hilarious! 

I was busy on the Monday, catching up on housework and drafting my blog for January.  All the activity wore me out and again I told myself not to overdo it, but the unfinished chores had been preying on my mind.

I returned to playing guitar.  I revised what I learnt before I became bedridden and practiced tricky changes. I also started editing articles from our last London visit to prepare them for ‘Cool Places 2’ and updated previous posts with added photos. The following  week, I set up a new site on WordPress called ‘Aspects of London’ and posted three entries - LINK 

Frozen canal

On Tuesday afternoon, I went for a walk along the canal and took photos of a still-frozen canal.  I then went onto the park and back along the canal again where I spotted three ducks on a mission to the marina - very comical!  I saw a member of the drawing class who said ‘will we see you this week?’ as if she was the boss (I reckoned she might be a school teacher).  

Ducks on a mission

Wednesday was also sunny but cold.  I walked the long way to the other end of the Main Street and browsed in the gallery.  I got chatting to an ex-neighbour.  She had been worried about us as she could see I wasn’t well before Christmas.  I told her why and she said that exactly the same thing happened to her Mum’s brother.  She thought my partner and I had split up (weird but sweet).   

I then attended my aromatherapy appointment.  I told her my neck really ached after last time so she went a bit easier. 

On Thursday afternoon,   my friend with the interesting ailments came round for a cuppa.  We chatted about her work, her prospects for promotion and/or a better job, lack of support for special needs, the Head Teacher shortage and the bad state of education in general.

At drawing class, imagine my delight to see that one of the still life arrangements included a crow!  Against the doll in a pram, there was no contest.  We started off with quick continuous line drawing.  The tutor also recapped what they had covered the previous week.  Four people had missed that session including me.  She talked about using charcoals and demonstrated the technique of covering the paper with black then rubbing it out to make the picture.  At the end of the session, I was moderately pleased with my effort.  I walked back with one of the women who lived near me (the one who made the schoolteacher remark earlier in the week ironically hadn’t turned up). 

I woke early for once on Friday morning.  My arm had gone dead, indicating I had been in a deep sleep and lain on it – awesome!  I opened the curtains to a gorgeous sky, with pale yellows, oranges and blues.

Debris in the canal

I went out on a short walk.  I crossed a small bridge and walked along the canal on the other side and took photos of debris in the canal from a different angle. I walked on to the other end of the park and then into town.  I popped in the ‘jewellery workshop’ that had featured on BBC 'Countryfile' recently (demonstrating coiners techniques).  

When I returned home, I was very tired but glad I had gone out.  In fact, I had managed to go out every day.  I felt better in myself as a result even though it was hard to motivate myself and think of things to do on my own. 

Foggy tree line

On Saturday my partner didn’t feel well and we pottered about during the day. For dinner I made pot roast pheasant which turned out better than the roast at New Year, but took twice as long to cook than indicated by the recipe.

Foggy field with trees

Sunday morning, my partner received calls from his sister (his dad had deteriorated) and our American friend.  She wanted him to do photos of her latest art project.  We said we would go for a walk up to hers, the long way round, as it appeared to be sunny again outside.  

Gothic graveyard

However, by the time we went out, it looked grey and cloudy.  We realised that the early sun had created fog from the snow melt.  We went into the woods and took photos.  The sun returned briefly, but hazily.  We stayed on the lower path to the other end of the woods and saw a deer being chased by a dog.  It became foggier further up and thus fairly spooky.  We detoured via the graveyard for gothic pics.  

Our American friend had just returned from IKEA and the art was nowhere near ready to be photographed. While she sorted it out, we had a cuppa and watched a crazily colourful film with her daughter.  In the end, I decided to go home instead of hanging about.  She gave me a lift down the hill and I took it easy the rest of the day. 

The next morning, I could barely move at first but managed a few stretching exercises.  I spent the day writing and visiting the library.  I checked my kid’s books in and chatted to the librarian.  She was nice but disappointingly uninformative on the subject of children’s literature.   I picked up a few books including ‘Beginner’s Italian’.  We both tried to learn some Italian before our trip to Venice.  I did not retain much but we had fun laughing at my partner’s accent.

In the evening, I practiced guitar and rang my Mum.  My sensible sister was there.  She reckoned Mum was much the same except maybe a bit more depressed.  

Crows in the community garden

On Wednesday I caught the bus to the tip and dumped two broken bags.  I then got back on bus to the next town.  I took photos of crows in the community garden before shopping.  In the afternoon, I bought my partner’s birthday gifts online. It felt like a successful day but tiring.  I spent the afternoon in bed resting and getting warm.

At drawing class on Thursday evening we did a quick exercise using our left hand with which I could not even draw a straight line.  We then progressed onto a longer sketch using a mix of materials to draw part of an arrangement the tutor had set up, with lots of angles, folds etc. Obviously mine was not a masterpiece but I saw some improvement.  I walked home with the two women who lived nearby.  One of them told us about her husband’s great aunt dying which explained her absence the previous week.  This also led onto other death tales which I later regretted.  

Construction

I distracted myself when I got home by showing my partner my drawing and the photos I’d taken of the arrangement I had been trying to sketch which he thought was an art in itself. 

I started to feel ill again and when I went to bed I struggled to quieten my mind down.  Eventually I did sleep but the next morning I still felt crap.  I made an effort to continue with my plans for the day.

At lunchtime, my walking friend arrived and we set off towards town.  She had hurt her foot again and called into the doctors for a sick note.  Then we went to the Italian cafe.  She told me about her recent travails which entailed her not seeing her old lady anymore and had made her very stressed.  I sympathised but didn’t really know what to say to make it better.  We also talked about our upcoming holiday and she shared some Italian speaking tips with me.

After, we went to another cafe for coffee and cake then she suggested a walk.  I said I did not feel up to it and instead, we strolled round town in the drizzle before returning to my house.  We watched a video on YouTube and chatted some more.   I talked about my different blogs and told her I was considering putting a stop to ‘Memoirs of a Nutter’.  She said I had to have a happy ending first.  I replied that it was potentially endless although the realisation that I didn’t want psychotherapy now that I could cope with my depression, may signal a finishing point. 

When she left, I went upstairs to take aspirin and lie down.  I got up again to make dinner despite not feeling well. I managed to stay out of bed on Saturday but took it easy. As I have mentioned before, we do not make a big deal of Valentine’s Day.   I gave my partner some books I had chosen for the groovy covers (Wordsworth classics; three for a fiver).  He made me an art on his ipad which I used as a desktop background.

One of my younger brothers texted to say Mum had been admitted to hospital after experiencing palpitations.  They were awaiting results of an ECG but as she was awake and lucid, I guessed there was nothing to worry too much about.  He kept in touch throughout the day and sure enough, she went home that evening.   He said it was ‘more in her mind than anything else’.  I would have put it in stronger terms myself.

I rang Mum a couple of days later and she sounded the same as usual.  She said words to the effect that it wasn’t a heart attack but if she had waited, maybe it would have been.  My youngest brother was visiting her and agreed with my analysis as being ’a fair assessment of the situation’. Later, my partner agreed with me that her hypochondria was getting worse in her old age. 

After an odd night with ‘jigsaw dreams’ as my partner called them, I got up for breakfast on Sunday but needed to go back to bed soon after. I stayed in bed for the first half of the following week.  My sleeping continued to be mediocre at best and when my sinusitis symptoms eased, my chest pains got worse and I became a bit worried.  I had suffered from a lot of heartburn the previous week and thought that the sinus-related cycle was responsible - phlegm collected in my throat, trapping food.  Good oral hygiene helped somewhat but I vowed to visit the GP if it continued just in case.

I kept occupied with internet shopping, learning a bit of Italian and working on my Wordpress Blogs – I finished my posts for Aspects of London and worked on entries about Morecambe Bay for Cool Places 2 (ii; iii).

During half term, my partner was home earlier some evenings and I managed to get to have dinner with him. We made traditional pancakes on Shrove Tuesday and again said why do we only make them once a year?

Croci in bloom

I tried to ring the doctors but got cut off the first time. When I managed to get through on Wednesday morning, the duty doctor made me an appointment with the practice nurse.  I tried to push for a GP appointment but he said there weren’t’ any.  He even said: “oh.  I think the appointment for this morning has gone while we have been talking”.  It hadn’t of course and I felt bullied.  As it turned out, the nurse on duty knew her stuff.  She was very thorough and said I had gastritis.  She prescribed some pills to reduce acid production in my stomach and asked me take a pooh sample in – lovely! 

After going to the chemist I walked round the flea market and a few shops. It felt good to have a diagnosis and also to be outdoors for the first time that week.   I noticed the croci had bloomed – signs of spring at last!  In the afternoon, I felt very tired and went back to bed.

That night, I couldn’t sleep and had to get up again.  I just couldn’t switch my mind off.  I had thought I wasn’t worried about my chest pains anymore, then I got sharp pains in my left side.  It must have been about 2.00 a.m. when I eventually slept.  After a fitful five hours’ sleep, the bin men woke me at 7.30 the next morning, shouting to each other! 

On Thursday, my partner worked at home.  He said he might need to go to Hull.  I had thought that now his dad was in a home, the crisis was over.  However, he said he needed to help clear the flat out.  I suggested using a ‘house clearance’ service or charity to collect stuff they didn’t want; later it occurred to me this could be pre-arranged.

I went out in the horrid rain to drop my sample off at the GP surgery.  I also bought some fresh food on the market.  In the afternoon, my friend with the interesting ailments arrived.  We talked about her plans to learn to drive.  When she left I went back upstairs to doss and tried to sleep but failed. 

We became uncharacteristically engrossed in Eastenders ‘live week’: even my partner got caught up in the 30^th anniversary phenomena in which several people returned; including Kathy Beale who came back from the dead. 

Canal with trees reflected

After an improved night, I felt much better but still weary on the Friday.  I mainly took it easy although I did go to the supermarket to finish the weekly shop. I saw an old German pal on the way back.  I told her my news and asked about hers.  She filled me in on some gossip from our old local.  When I got home, I felt knackered.  

As we were relaxing with films and wine quite late that night, I got inspired to do an art.  Although weird for me (that’s more my partner’s kind of thing) I was pleased with the results when I looked at it again the next morning. 

Unfortunately though, the idea was related to a birthday card I wanted to make for him so I had to wait until the following Monday to conclude my design in secret.

Towpath life

On Saturday I felt fine, despite the alcohol and recent ailments.  My partner felt terrible and I told him not to worry if he didn’t feel up to going out but he insisted we embark on a walk.  We walked to the next town along the canal.  Although mainly sunny, it was also quite cold with the odd rain shower.  We stopped lots for photos and shouted back at angry geese.  About halfway along, we rested on a bench and drank a small bottle of orange juice – it turned out to be low sugar and made us hungry. 

Geese in field

The walk took us two hours.  We were even hungrier and very tired at the end.  We tried but failed to find somewhere to eat (everywhere seemed to be shut or have odd food times, except a little bar advertising tapas which we didn’t fancy).  We got the bus home, stuffed food in our gobs then relaxed for the rest of the day.

On Sunday the weather was dreadful.  We stayed in and kept busy cutting our hair and doing a spot of DIY.   I also practiced sketching and sorted photos from the previous day’s walk.  

During the last week of February, I continued with quite a few of my creative endeavours.  I practiced sketching, finished making birthday cards for my partner and a couple of friends, and finished posting entries about Morecambe Bay in Cool Places 2.  I also spent some time learning Italian.

My sleeping was erratic again and my brain often felt tired so I rested when I needed to.  Nonetheless, I started to feel rather depressed mid-week.  I thought this rather odd when I should have been happy about going on holiday but that’s mental illness for you, I guess.

Birthday card design 1

I visited my friend who used to live on the street below on spec.  I gave her one of the birthday cards I had made and said we would not be joining her at the cabaret on the Saturday as we had a plane to catch the next day, but that we might meet up for coffee soon.   At aromatherapy, she said I was physically okay but she sensed anxiety.  This struck me as strange; although I had been feeling down I was not particularly anxious. 

Birthday card design 2

On Thursday afternoon, my friend with the interesting ailments visited.  I gave her a card and pressie for her birthday.  I hadn’t realised she would be 40 or I’d have got her a better gift!  We arranged go to an art exhibition when we came back from our holiday. 

At drawing class, we did a ‘Mobious curve’ which was very hard to draw, along with a couple of other random objects.  I again discerned some improvement in my efforts.   

Someone whipped my arrangement away so I had to retrieve it in order to take photos for reference. During the class, I spoke to a guy who had just been on a Guardian holiday to Israel and Palestine.   We talked about the new Banksy project in Gaza (the internet is all about cats). 

We also talked about Istanbul and Venice of which he said the latter was better (I said I would report back after my impending sojourn).  The two women I walked home with had both been to Venice and one declared it would probably ‘smell less bad’ at this time of year.

I spent the end of the month drafting my ‘memoirs’ for February and packing for our holiday.  Would it be bellissimo or death in Venice? 

i.        ‘Cool Places post:’ hepdenerose.wordpress.com

ii,    ‘Cool Places 2’: hepdenerose2.wordpress.com

ii.       ‘Aspects of London’: hepdenerose3.wordpress.com